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Be Discrete When Sending Invites

Sarah Reuangrith How To Party Planning Wedding

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How to Properly Send an Invite

How you ever seen a post on Facebook about an event that sounds awesome but you quickly realize you are NOT invited?  What about that time in fifth grade when Bobby handed out invites to everyone in your class except you?  Perhaps you were at the table when plans were made for a party the following week that didn't include you? Parties are meant to be fun and bring people together, no one wants to feel bad as they were not included, especially if everyone they talk to is going.

Most people realize that not everyone can be invited to every event.  The budget, space and personalities prevent that.  However,  we all prefer not to find out that we are the only person not invited (especially if the event is an awesome one).  As a host, discretion is key as we want to invite our guests without making the people we didn't invite feel bad about it.  The way we deliver the invite is one of the best ways to achieve this objective.

Why is delivery so Important?

People don't like to be left out.  Your co-worker Beth may not care about your wedding and is not expecting an invite, that is until you hand out an invite to everyone at the lunch table but her.  We can't do much about the guest list, you have already given it thought but we can deliver our invites in a way that don't draw attention to it.  Yes Beth will eventually figure out that she is not invited and realize a few coworkers were but she will likely be fine with it as she was not expecting an invite and won't feel like everyone else was invited except her.  Also, by being a bit more discrete with how you deliver the invites, you are also reminding the people you are inviting that not everyone is getting an invitation.  As they don't know who is coming it shouldn't come up in conversation as easily.

How Do I Be Discrete?

Don't hand out or mention an event in a setting with lots of people, especially if not everyone will be invited. 

Here are some additional suggestions based on how you are sending the invite:

In Person 

Try to deliver invites privately.  If you are inviting classmates/co-workers/team mates, try not to hand out invites/tell them at any related event, you don't want someone not invited to overhear.  Never have kids take invites to school. When I was growing up and it came time to send out invites to my birthday party, mom and I would head out on a Saturday morning and hand deliver each invite.  By doing it on a Saturday, we were ensuring that most of the kids would forget about the invite by Monday at school thereby making sure that it didn't come up in conversation.

By Text:

Send out the text when you think the person will be alone.  The last thing you want is them to get your text while they are out for dinner with a friend that you are not inviting.  They likely won't realize the other is not invited and may say something that makes the other person uncomfortable.


Similar to text, try and pick a time when you think the person might be at home and/or on their own.  

Facebook or Other Social Media Account

Unless it is an "everyone is welcome" event, make sure your privacy settings are set so that people not invited can't see it.  Post event information to the event directly and not on your personal wall.  


This is a pretty safe method as only the recipients will get one.


If you are sending out a group invite, hide the email addresses.  This ensures that guests don't know who else is invited and don't slip up as they assumed everyone was.

Think about Others

When in doubt, think about the other persons feelings.  Remember that you may not think someone is a close friend but from their position you are their best friend.  Being discrete will avoid unnecessarily hurting someone.  

Let me know your thoughts below!

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